


Fake Dating Story

by d2fmeasurement



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-31 22:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3995965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d2fmeasurement/pseuds/d2fmeasurement
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dinesh and Gilfoyle find themselves needing to pretend to be a couple around Pied Piper's new investors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fake Dating Story

“Russ, I noticed a small problem with our calendar,” Jared said. Everyone at Pied Piper was in the middle of their hotel suite, planning their conference schedule. “We seem to be double-booked. We have two different investor meetings at 1 p.m.”

  
“That’s not a mistake. I want Al-Qaeda and Mrs. Al-Qaeda to handle that one,” Russ told him.

  
Richard and Jared stared at him. Dinesh had barely been paying attention but he slowly looked over and asked, “Is that referring to me and...Carla?”

  
“What? No, you and your boyfriend,” Russ said.

  
Gilfoyle planned on not even looking up, like the very idea that Russ could be referring to him hadn’t occurred to him, but after enough time of everyone looking at him, he sighed and looked up. “You mean me?”

  
“Yeah, obviously,” Russ said with a laugh.

  
“Why would I be the Mrs. in the relationship?” Gilfoyle asked.

  
“Oh, that’s your problem with those nicknames?” Dinesh asked, shaking his head.

  
“Benanti Inc. is run by two butt pirates. I figured they’d want to meet with some of their own,” Russ said. “I know they’re engineers and not great at the whole talking to people thing, but let’s face it, none of you guys are great at that. It has to be you guys who meet with them. They only agreed to make time for us when I said that we have a gay couple of our own at the company.”

  
“We are not a couple,” Dinesh said.

  
“Oh. My bad. Is it just...casual fucking?” Russ asked.

  
“No!” Dinesh said. “There’s no fucking!”

  
“Um, a thought occurs,” Jared said softly. “Now that Russ has told them we employ a same-sex couple...they would be very angry to find out that was completely fabricated. And would tell other investors they know that we’re going around lying to get meetings...”

  
“Then why don’t you and Richard meet with them? You guys are a more convincing couple,” Dinesh said defensively.

  
“Jared seems straight as an arrow to me,” Russ said.

  
“I’m just saying, I have seen you wipe Richard’s nose for him more than once,” Dinesh said.

  
“I forget to carry tissues myself,” Richard murmured.

  
“Guys, I already told them your names. They’re expecting you guys to show up,” Russ said.

  
“Could you please just act like a couple?” Richard asked Dinesh and Gilfoyle. “Please? I don’t want to get a reputation for being a liar over something this minor.”

  
“I wouldn’t even know how to act like I’m with Gilfoyle,” Dinesh said.

  
“Except that you totally would because you guys just acting like your normal selves had Russ convinced you’re a couple for months,” Carla said, grinning. When Dinesh and Gilfoyle turned to look at her, she shrugged and said, “Sorry. This is just the funniest thing that’s ever happened.”

 

 

As they walked towards the restaurant where they had to meet the Benanti guys, Dinesh said, “I’m the top. I demand to be the top.”

  
“Why would that ever come up?” Gilfoyle asked. He smirked and asked, “Or do you just really want to picture us doing it?”

  
Dinesh glared at him.

  
A hostess brought them to a table with a nice elderly couple. Dinesh immediately felt guilty. He’d been so wrapped up in how disgusting the thought of anyone thinking he was with Gilfoyle was, he hadn’t thought about how morally wrong it was to get funding from someone by pretending to be gay. Of course, there was no way he was coming clean at this point. But he did feel bad about it.

  
“I’m Jeff and this is my business and life partner Eric,” one of the guys said.

  
“I’m Gilfoyle. This is my computer and sex partner Dinesh,” Gilfoyle said.

  
They both laughed good-naturedly and exchanged ‘kids these days’ looks.

  
“We don’t totally understand Pied Piper’s tech but our engineers tell us it’s very good,” Eric said.

  
“It is. In fact, you won’t find a company that’s better. I built all our servers by hand just to make everything more efficient,” Gilfoyle said.

  
Dinesh watched Gilfoyle. He was a little worried he was freaking these nice people out, so he said, “He gets really intense when he’s talking about his work. But, it is warranted.”

  
Jeff smiled knowingly and said, “And that’s one of the things you love about him?”

  
Dinesh stared. “I...um…”

  
“What about you, Gilfoyle, what made you fall in love with Dinesh?” Eric asked.

  
“Well, at first it was just how much I enjoyed fucking him. Just all day, every day, fucking him in his asshole,” Gilfoyle said.

  
Dinesh glared as the older men laughed. “You’re certainly a character,” Jeff said, shaking his head.

  
“You said ‘at first.’ What happened after that?” Eric asked.

  
“What do you mean what happened?” Gilfoyle asked.

  
“To make you love Dinesh. Come on,” Eric prompted.

  
“Uh, I just realized that he really gets me. Even when we’re fighting or he’s looking at me with his judgmental little face...I feel comfortable with him...and that’s really rare,” Gilfoyle said.

  
Dinesh glanced at Gilfoyle curiously, wondering where he came up with that.

  
“So, do you think you might get married soon? Or have kids?” Jeff asked.

  
“Maybe,” Gilfoyle said.

  
At the same time, Dinesh said, “Fuck no!”

  
The older couple looked between them nervously. Jeff quickly said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring anything up between you two…”

  
Dinesh quickly said, “I just meant that I don’t know if we’d have kids anytime soon because our business isn’t even funded right now so, as much as we’d like to, we’re probably not even close to being stable enough for that…” Dinesh watched as Jeff and Eric’s faces became full of sympathy and caring. He looked down thinking about what a horrible person he was. Gilfoyle smiled at him, proud of Dinesh’s ability to manipulate things to their tactical advantage. He squeezed Dinesh’s hand. Just to really sell their relationship. That’s all.

 

 

 

“They’re going to invest six million dollars,” Dinesh declared happily when they came home.

  
“You were that fucking gay?” Russ asked happily. “Good job.”

  
“The amount of money was not contingent on how gay we acted,” Dinesh said, rolling his eyes.

  
“Yeah, except for the fact that they were totally won over by us talking about how we want to raise a bunch of kids together,” Gilfoyle said.

  
Jared and Richard came home. Richard immediately went into his bedroom in the suite without looking at anyone. “It did not go well,” Jared told them.

  
“Lucky for you, The Gay Team reeled in six million dollars,” Russ told him.

  
Jared’s face lit up for a minute before he frowned. “So...so our largest investors at the moment...think that Dinesh and Gilfoyle are a couple and would be angry-- and very possibly litigious-- if they found out they weren’t?”

  
After an uncomfortable pause, Carla chimed in, “Well, I guess you two better start practicing kissing each other and making it convincing.”


End file.
